Withdraw
by ForeverinMoonlight
Summary: There was always something that you didn't want to accept.


_Disclaimer: Obvious statement time! I don't own Dynasty Warriors, etc. _

**A/N: **Here's another fic about Liu Shan (DW7 based, of course), written on the same day as the previous fic was, though it has taken much longer to edit. I'm still not happy with it actually, but whatever. Also! You could say this fic has a ship in it, whether one-sided or not.. But honestly, it could just as easily be deep friendship as it could be romantic feelings. Take it how you will - it's not too important either way. ^_^; I thought I'd mention it just in case, though. ...Okay, rambling over - on with the fic..

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><p><strong>Withdraw<strong>

He had made a decision. It had been well-considered yet surprisingly easy to make; long having settled in the back of his mind before he realised it was even there.

_Surrender_. Such a heavy word – people took it so incredibly _seriously_. Why did it have to be a bad thing? Really.. It could be the best course of action too. Sometimes people liked to fight so much, struggle over every little thing when they'd find what they were truly looking for if they just.. went ahead and _sat back_.

No, you shouldn't be easily swayed, easily walked over – but it was alright to accept things as well.

Personally, Liu Shan even thought it was wise. It could be better for everyone, you know.

_Really_. Though of course, he was not going to convince everyone of it.. And that truly didn't bother him, since some people had been doubtful of him for his whole life. _Nothing new_.

He had stopped caring about it a long time ago... Didn't care about most of what they all clung to so fiercely. What he valued was something that should be treasured more.

_Life_.

What had been the point of it all, by the end? (He could not judge the beginning.) It was simply death and agony and battling and chaos and _suffering_. None of those were particularly nice, and they'd become almost habitual over the years.. Indeed, _one long _habit, which Liu Shan thought was best broken by now.

After all.. Why would you want any of it to continue?

_Really?_ Surely, there was no good reason. It was not in anyone's best interests – and most of the names that were glorified in battle were _dead _these days. Certainly, Liu Shan could respect the deceased like everyone else did, but they were beyond all this now.

Guan Yu was gone. Zhang Fei was gone. Zhao Yun was gone.

His father was gone.

Zhuge Liang was gone..

He could take them as inspiration.. remembered them, talked to them occasionally, mourned for them – the latter so _so _much... But there was a point where the influence of the dead should be contained, lest it become irrelevant. After all.. _they weren't the leaders any more_.

He was. ..Or, _had been_. (For the best; he hadn't been a very good one. _..Though in his useless defence, the bar had been set rather too high_.)

He had made that decision as the leader of Shu.. Made it for everyone's sake. _No regrets, _despite the accusations.

_Though perhaps.._

..Okay, maybe there were one or two. He felt sorry for those people who believed so strongly in the long departed (_Jiang Wei, I hope you can forgive me_).. Even if that was all they seemed to believe in sometimes. He was sorry he hadn't had the opportunity to carry out his decision sooner.. Inexplicably sorry as well, that he had been able to do little to ease the escalation.

..Last though, but certainly not least.. There was something else, blindingly obvious. It was related to an earlier 'regret', though it was so strong that he found it had put itself into its own category. There it stood, in some dank and deliberately neglected part of his mind..

Just one name. A name for a particular person that constantly lit up his world, but recently that appellation had been shining so brilliantly it was impossible for him to fully focus upon it. He could barely think of it without that all-encompassing _dread_.. (And blinking back the tears..)

Drip drip drip..

_Xing Cai.._

He had not faced her yet. _Could not_ face her yet. It was shameful, but.. The scenes that were conjured up, so clearly in his mind's eye.. So similar and _real _and undeniably, inevitably one of them was going to be sickeningly _true.._

_Drip-drip-drip..._

(Blood, or..)

_Plink plink plink.._

(His own sorrow?)

"_Xing Cai..._"

(Or both?)

Her father. Guan Ping. They held such unbelievable power over her – he often envied both those men's strength _just_ for the love they still inspired in her. Raw, unshakeable belief, deep and strong and fitting for the woman who possessed it.

She would have fought.

To the death.

Surely.. (No, he had not found out either way..- Yes, he should be more ashamed of the fact. However...) Whether she was alive or dead now, it would not have broken her (right?), _but he...-_

It was her decision. Of course. She had made it, and no doubt it was the easiest one she had ever been presented with. Nevertheless.. He still dreaded. _I-it frightened him to think.._

What had become of her?

.._How much had _gone..._ How much of her had been taken away from him?_


End file.
